Sex NDAs: Privacy, Pitfalls, and a Legal Template

Even casual romance can come with a side of legalese. Imagine being handed a contract along with that nightcap – it’s not as far-fetched as it sounds in celebrity circles. From A-list actors to tech moguls, many have added nondisclosure agreements (“NDAs”) to their dating repertoire to keep bedroom stories out of the headlines ogoldberglaw.com. In fact, signing an NDA has, in a sense, become another form of “protection” for high-profile individuals in the dating scene. These so-called “sex NDAs” – confidentiality contracts covering intimate encounters – have captured public curiosity, especially after high-profile fiascos like the Stormy Daniels saga showed how even a $130,000 hush agreement can spectacularly backfire. But are sex NDAs actually enforceable? What can (and can’t) you put in one? Below, we dive deep into the legal realities, share some jaw-dropping real examples, and even provide a template for a legally sound sexual encounter NDA.

What Is a “Sex NDA” and Who Uses Them?

A “sex NDA” is simply a nondisclosure agreement tailored to intimate relationships or encounters. In essence, it’s a promise that “what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.” The NDA signer agrees not to reveal private information – whether it’s the fact of the relationship, the other person’s identity, or the spicy details of the fling. These agreements have moved from fiction to reality: popular culture (think Fifty Shades of Grey) introduced the idea of lovers signing contracts, and now real-life celebrities have run with it.

Why would anyone want a sex NDA? The main driver is privacy. High-profile individuals – celebrities, CEOs, politicians – worry about lovers (or one-night stands) kissing and telling. Tabloids and social media can turn a single indiscretion into worldwide news overnight. An NDA is a way of saying, “let’s keep this just between us.” For example, actors like Justin Bieber have famously required house party guests to sign NDAs with hefty penalty clauses (a leaked copy of Bieber’s NDA threatened a $$5 million fine for any tweets or gossip about his parties) businessinsider.com. And it’s not just male celebrities; women with public profiles have also been known to ask partners to sign on the dotted line.

Everyday people are taking note, too. Online forums are filled with discussions about dating NDAs – some folks ask whether they should get an NDA before spilling personal secrets to a new partner. (One Reddit user quipped that “most normal people will look at you like you’re insane” if you request an NDA for the privilege of having a drink together reddit.com.) In alternative lifestyle communities, such as the BDSM scene, privacy agreements are increasingly common as well. Those who engage in kink may ask partners to sign an NDA to protect identities and “what happens in the dungeon”. In short, while sex NDAs started as a celebrity trend, they’ve entered the broader conversation for anyone who values discretion in their personal life.

Are Sex NDAs Enforceable? (The Legal Lowdown)

The big question: if someone signs a sex NDA and then blabs, can you really sue them and win? The answer is generally yes, a well-crafted NDA is a binding contract – but it must meet basic contract law requirements and not overstep certain legal boundaries.

Basic contract elements. Like any contract, an NDA requires an offer, acceptance, and consideration (something of value exchanged) to be valid. It also needs a lawful purpose and clear terms. In the context of a private relationship, the “lawful purpose” is confidentiality – a legitimate goal. Courts have recognized that an NDA used purely to protect personal secrets can be enforceable just like a business NDA. As one legal Q&A put it, an NDA covering a private gathering or relationship is “valid and enforceable – subject to the normal laws that limit such agreements”. In other words, an intimate context doesn’t void the NDA; it just puts it under a slightly higher microscope for anything fishy.

Consent and capacity. Of course, both parties must sign voluntarily. If someone was coerced or misled into signing (say, pressured late at night at a party without reading it), that could undermine enforceability. Ideally, each side should have a chance to review the NDA – even consult a lawyer – before signing, to show it was entered knowingly and not under duress. Both signers also need capacity (sober, of sound mind, and of legal age). An NDA signed by a minor or by someone blackout drunk in the moment may not hold up.

Consideration: does money need to change hands? Not necessarily. Consideration just means each party gives up something of value. In a mutual NDA, the exchange is clear: both parties surrender some freedom to talk in exchange for the other’s silence. That mutual promise is sufficient value. In a one-way NDA (only one person is being silenced), the consideration could be non-monetary – for example, the opportunity to date the celebrity or attend the private event is the thing of value the silence-buyer offers. Courts have accepted that being given access to a person’s private life can count as consideration for an NDA. That said, including a nominal payment or gift can further cement the contract. Even a token $100 or a small gift in exchange for the promise of confidentiality makes the bargain more explicit. Indeed, in the Stormy Daniels NDA, the $130,000 “hush money” was the consideration paid for her silence – and the contract was treated as valid (until other factors intervened). The key is to avoid framing the NDA as an exchange for sex itself. If the only thing traded is “you get to have sex with me if you sign this,” the NDA starts to look like it’s about selling sexual favors, which raises public policy red flags (more on that below).

So, enforceable or not? Assuming the NDA is properly signed by all involved and meets those basics, it can be enforceable. In California, for instance, NDAs are enforceable so long as they meet the usual contract requirements and don’t aim to cover up something illegal. Confidentiality for personal matters is a lawful purpose, and courts have upheld such agreements. The context (a romance versus a business deal) doesn’t invalidate the concept of confidentiality. However, context can affect how a court views the NDA’s provisions: a judge will scrutinize a personal NDA to ensure it wasn’t unconscionably one-sided or intended to hide wrongdoing.

Importantly, many sex NDAs never see a courtroom. They are primarily deterrents – psychological and legal speed bumps to discourage loose lips. Knowing that “if I spill, I could get sued for breach of contract” is often enough to make a person think twice. The threat of being on the hook for damages (or at least a nasty legal battle) can keep secrets safe. And for public figures, even the optics of having an NDA can dissuade tabloids; a media outlet confronted with “she can’t talk, she signed an NDA” may back off a story to avoid legal trouble.

That said, enforcing a sex NDA is possible when needed. Remedies for breach include seeking an injunction (a court order to stop further disclosures) and suing for monetary damages. If someone violates the NDA – say by posting intimate details online – a judge can quickly issue a temporary restraining order to compel deletion of posts and prohibit any further sharing. Later, the breaching party may owe financial damages for any harm caused (loss of reputation, emotional distress, etc.), or a preset liquidated damages amount if the contract specifies one. Keep in mind, dragging a steamy dispute into open court can be a pyrrhic victory; it defeats the NDA’s purpose by splashing the secrets on the public record. (In legal circles this is dubbed the “Streisand effect” – suing might draw more attention to the very thing you wanted to hide.) To counter this, savvy drafters include an arbitration clause, mandating that any NDA disputes be resolved privately behind closed doors. With arbitration (or at least a provision to file under seal), one can enforce the NDA without airing dirty laundry in public.

Bottom line: A sex NDA isn’t a magic gag that works 100% of the time – but if properly drafted, it’s about as enforceable as any contract can be. It creates a legal obligation that, in most states, a court will stand behind as long as the NDA’s terms themselves don’t violate any laws or public policies. And that brings us to the crucial part: what you can and cannot put in a sex NDA.

Drafting a Sex NDA: What’s Legal and What’s Not

Not all clauses are fair game in a “keep it secret” contract. Some provisions could make your NDA unenforceable or even illegal. Here’s a breakdown of allowed vs. not allowed when drafting a sexual confidentiality agreement:

• ✅ Okay to Include: Confidential info about the relationship. It is perfectly legal to agree that certain personal details will remain confidential. This is the bread-and-butter of a sex NDA. You can define “Confidential Information” to include things like the fact that you two met or dated, any intimate activities you engage in, conversations (texts, emails) between you, photos or videos taken privately, and other identifying details (names, addresses, workplaces, etc.). For example, an NDA might say “Neither party shall disclose to any third party that they have had a sexual or dating relationship or any details regarding any intimate encounter between them.” Many celebrity “hookup NDAs” broadly forbid the signatory from sharing any aspect of the private encounter or from speaking negatively about the other person. This can also include a non-disparagement clause – e.g. “no posting nasty comments or ‘trash talking’ each other to the press or on Twitter.” Non-disparagement is allowed so long as it’s not so broad that it stops someone from reporting misconduct (more on that in the exceptions below). The key is to be specific about what info is protected. Naming each category (communications, photos, sexual activity details, etc.) makes it clear what must stay secret.
• ✅ Okay to Include: Reasonable scope and duration. Unlike gossip, NDAs can last forever, but it’s wise to set a reasonable term. In business settings, confidential information can be protected indefinitely (especially trade secrets). In personal settings, secrets often don’t expire either – there’s no natural point when you’d suddenly want your private life revealed. So an NDA with no end date is legally allowed, particularly in states like California that explicitly permit indefinite NDAs for trade secrets. However, to avoid a court feeling the deal is too one-sided, many drafters choose a long but finite duration – say 5, 10, or 20 years, or “until both parties agree in writing to end it.” For example, “This NDA remains in effect for 10 years after the relationship ends, or until the confidential information becomes public from another source.” A timeframe like that shows the NDA isn’t meant to be an eternal muzzle, just long-term. Geographic scope isn’t usually an issue with NDAs (you’re not disclosing info anywhere, period), so global coverage is fine. What matters is that the definition of Confidential Information is clear and not absurdly overbroad. It’s smart to exclude information that’s legitimately public or not a secret – for instance, the NDA should clarify it doesn’t cover information that one party has publicly shared or that is common knowledge. (E.g., if two people are seen on a public date by paparazzi, an NDA can’t retroactively make the published photos “confidential.”) Keeping the scope tailored to actual secrets makes a court more likely to enforce the NDA.
• ✅ Okay to Include: Mutual promises and clear consideration. To strengthen enforceability, it’s best if a sex NDA is mutual – both parties agree not to spill each other’s secrets. In a romantic encounter, usually both sides have private info to protect (even if one is more famous, the other might still value their own privacy). A mutual NDA feels fair and is less likely to be deemed unconscionable. It also inherently provides consideration on both sides – each gives up the right to blab, in exchange for the other’s silence. If your situation is one-way (only one party is disclosing sensitive info), consider providing some consideration to the bound party. This could be a small payment or gift, or simply the opportunity to participate in the private rendezvous (as noted above). Just don’t describe it as paying for sex. Frame the agreement as “in exchange for being invited into X’s private life/home,” the person agrees to confidentiality. For instance, “Whereas Disclosing Party is willing to share personal confidential information and spend private time with Recipient, and Recipient is willing to keep such matters confidential, the parties agree as follows…” That reads much cleaner than “in exchange for engaging in sexual acts…”, which is a big no-no. The point is to ground the NDA in exchange of confidentiality and trust, not exchange of bodily services.
• ✅ Okay to Include: Liquidated damages (within reason). Want your NDA to have teeth? You can include a liquidated damages clause – basically a preset penalty amount if the NDA is breached. For example, an NDA might say, “The parties agree that if either breaches this NDA, the breaching party shall pay $10,000 to the other as liquidated damages for each breach, as a reasonable estimate of losses.” This sum acts as a deterrent: the signer knows exactly what it will cost to blab. Such clauses are common in high-profile NDAs (sometimes in eye-popping amounts). However, the number must be a reasonable estimate of actual harm, not a wildly punitive figure. If you pick an outrageously high dollar amount with no rationale, a court might refuse to enforce it. Case in point: the Stormy Daniels NDA threatened $1,000,000 per breach – a figure a judge would likely call excessive, given Stormy was paid $130k and the damages for a few interviews wouldn’t realistically be $1M each. In California, a liquidated damages clause that “terrorizes” the signer with an arbitrary huge sum is unenforceable as a penalty. By contrast, something like $10k or $50k might be seen as a plausible estimate of reputational harm or unwanted media attention, especially if one party is a public figure. The key is proportionality – a modest liquidated sum can uphold the NDA’s intent, while an over-the-top sum can backfire (and make a court sympathize with the breaching party). If in doubt, leave liquidated damages out, and just reserve the right to seek actual damages. (Remember, if the secret truly was worth millions, you can try to prove actual losses in court; but if it isn’t, a punitive number only undermines your case.)
• ✅ Okay to Include: Arbitration and injunctive relief. As noted, an arbitration clause is highly recommended in a sex NDA. This ensures that if there’s a dispute or breach, it will be handled confidentially by a private arbitrator, not in a public courthouse. The whole point of an NDA is to avoid publicity, so you don’t want a lawsuit that anyone can attend or read about. By agreeing to arbitration (and ideally specifying a private arbitration provider), the parties keep any fallout quiet. Alongside arbitration, the NDA should explicitly allow injunctive relief. This means if someone is about to violate or is violating the NDA, the other party can go to court immediately to get a restraining order or injunction to halt the disclosure. For example, if an ex is just about to publish a tell-all blog, you could seek a court order to stop it before the secret is fully out. Most NDAs include language like “Because a breach of this Agreement may cause irreparable harm, either party may seek injunctive relief in addition to any other remedies in the event of an anticipated or actual breach.” This puts the breaching party on notice that you can haul them into court on a moment’s notice if they don’t hold their tongue. (Yes, even if you have an arbitration clause, you can carve-out an exception for emergency injunctions – then do the rest in arbitration later.)
• ❌ Not Allowed: Using an NDA to cover up illegal acts. Perhaps the most critical limit: an NDA cannot be used to hide or permit anything illegal. You cannot contract someone’s silence about crimes, and you certainly can’t contract away someone’s right to report a crime. For instance, an NDA cannot prohibit a person from going to the police if a sexual encounter turns into an assault. Any clause that even suggests “you promise not to report me or sue me no matter what I do” is void and unenforceable. Public policy 101: agreements that obstruct justice or hide criminal behavior are a non-starter. This also means you should include a carve-out explicitly stating that nothing in the NDA prevents either party from reporting possible unlawful conduct, cooperating with law enforcement, or responding truthfully if subpoenaed in a legal proceeding. In California, for example, since the #MeToo movement there’s a law (SB 3109) that voids any contract term that would stop someone from testifying about criminal sexual assault or harassment. At the federal level, the recently enacted Speak Out Act (2022) makes pre-dispute NDAs unenforceable for sexual assault or harassment claims in many cases. So, if someone tries to use an NDA to silence an actual victim, that NDA (or at least that silencing part) won’t hold up. And beyond crimes, you also cannot use a contract to authorize something illegal. A “consent contract” to commit battery, for instance, is void – you can’t sign away your right not to be hit. The bottom line: a sex NDA must not demand silence about illegal acts or attempt to waive liability for personal injury. Keep it focused on lawful, consensual private behavior. If a dispute ever arose, a court will strike any illegal provisions and could toss the entire NDA if those tainted bits were central to the deal.
• ❌ Not Allowed: Unconscionable or heavily one-sided terms. Courts frown on contracts that are fundamentally unfair or oppressive. If one party had all the power and the other had no real choice, and the terms are ridiculously one-sided, a judge might refuse to enforce the NDA on grounds of unconscionability. In the context of a sex NDA, imagine a scenario where a world-famous celebrity presents a 20-page dense legal document to a naïve fan at 3 AM, demanding total secrecy, a $1,000,000 penalty for any breach, and perhaps even giving the celeb the right to disparage the other while muzzling the signer. If the signer didn’t truly understand it or felt pressured to sign to avoid being kicked out, a court could later say the contract is void because it “shocks the conscience.” The key here is reasonableness and balance. Make sure the NDA’s obligations are mutual or at least not overly harsh on the weaker party. Avoid “gotcha” clauses – like one case where an NDA tried to forbid the other person from even keeping a private diary of their own thoughts because it could later be evidence of the relationship. That’s overreach. Likewise, an NDA that only one side can enforce (e.g. only the celeb can sue the hookup, but not vice versa) might be seen as lacking mutuality and fairness. To keep it enforceable, use plain language, don’t bury outrageous clauses in fine print, and ideally give the person time to think it over or consult counsel. The mere act of saying “feel free to get a lawyer to review” can show it wasn’t signed under unconscionable circumstances.
• ❌ Not Allowed: Terms that conflict with specific state laws or public policy. Aside from the crime-reporting carveouts already mentioned, be aware of any other law that might void parts of your NDA. For example, since #MeToo, many states have banned or limited NDAs in certain contexts (particularly employment settlements involving sexual harassment). California’s STAND Act (SB 820) prohibits NDAs in settlements of sexual assault/harassment cases – so if a sex NDA is viewed as trying to hide such allegations, it could be invalid there. California also passed the Silenced No More Act (SB 331) expanding restrictions on NDAs that silence workplace harassment or discrimination. While those laws mainly target employer-employee or settlement situations, they reflect a broader public policy: contracts should not silence victims of sexual misconduct. Similarly, some states like New York forbid contracts that waive liability for “gross negligence” or intentional torts in any context. And recall our discussion of prostitution laws – in Florida, an NDA framed as exchanging sex for something of value could be deemed void ab initio because it resembles a sex-for-silence transaction, which treads uncomfortably close to illegal subject matter. To be safe, draft your NDA in a way that honors public policy. Make it about consensual, legal privacy matters only. Explicitly state (if relevant) that “nothing in this Agreement is intended to cover up wrongdoing, nor to limit any right to report unlawful conduct.” In short, know your jurisdiction’s quirks and don’t include any clause that a law has outright forbidden.
• ❌ Not Allowed: Making sex the quid pro quo. This is worth reiterating because it’s a subtle drafting point: do not write the NDA such that signing it is portrayed as the “price” of sexual intimacy. For instance, a clause that says “in consideration for engaging in sexual activity with Party A, Party B agrees to keep all such activities confidential” is problematic. It suggests a direct exchange of sex for a contractual benefit, which, besides sounding unsavory, might be interpreted as facilitating prostitution or an illicit contract in some jurisdictions. To avoid this, structure the consideration around access to private time or information, not the act itself. E.g., “in consideration of being invited to Party A’s home and personal life” instead of “in exchange for having sex with Party A.” The activity can happen, but it’s not the thing being bargained for in writing. This protects the NDA from any argument that it’s an illegal contract about sex rather than a legal contract about confidentiality.

By following the above guidelines, you increase the odds that your NDA will hold up if push comes to shove. Now, let’s look at some real-world lessons from famous (and infamous) sex NDAs to see how these principles play out.

High-Profile Sex NDAs and Lessons Learned

Nothing tests a contract like a messy public scandal. In recent years, several sex NDAs involving celebrities became very public, teaching us what to do (and what not to do) when drafting these agreements.

Stormy Daniels & Donald Trump (2016): Arguably the most famous sex NDA saga of all. In 2016, adult film actress Stormy Daniels signed an NDA in exchange for $130,000, barring her from discussing an alleged affair with Donald Trump. The agreement, eerily titled “Confidential Settlement Agreement,” was supposed to keep a lid on a pre-election scandal. Instead, it blew up into a court battle and a media circus – the opposite of quiet. What went wrong? For starters, the NDA was signed by Stormy (under a pseudonym “Peggy Peterson”) and by Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen on behalf of a shell company, but Trump never signed it himself. This opened the door for Stormy to claim the contract was invalid – after all, how can you enforce an agreement the main player didn’t sign? (Trump’s team argued he was still covered as a third-party beneficiary – since the NDA said it was for the benefit of “DD” a.k.a. Trump – and a court might have agreed. But the missing signature was a tactical blunder that gave Stormy leverage in public and legal arenas.) Lesson: get all parties to sign and be clear who is bound. If you want an alias for privacy, fine – but consider having a short side document that identifies the real parties, and sign that too. In Stormy’s case, the pseudonyms “David Dennison” (Trump) and “Peggy Peterson” (Daniels) caused confusion and suspicion.

The Stormy NDA also had a notorious liquidated damages clause: $1,000,000 for each breach (each time Stormy spoke about it). This number, presumably meant to terrify Stormy, ended up looking outrageous and unenforceable. It wasn’t tied to any realistic harm – it was just a big round number. Stormy’s lawyer argued it was an illegal penalty, and many legal experts agree a court likely would not enforce a $1M per-instance fine for talking about an affair. The NDA did include an arbitration clause, which Trump’s team tried to use to keep the dispute private. However, once Stormy went public with a lawsuit to declare the NDA void, the arbitration move only fueled media interest. In the end, the NDA was never actually enforced; Stormy gave interviews and wrote a book, and Trump (as a sitting president) chose not to personally pursue the matter further. Cohen, the lawyer, ended up in legal hot water himself (partly for campaign finance violations related to the payout). The fallout included new legislation: the Stormy saga was cited during debates on laws like the Speak Out Act and states’ #MeToo NDA bans, reinforcing that you can’t gag someone from reporting sexual misconduct or other illegal activity. The big takeaways from Stormy’s NDA debacle: always sign your contracts, use clear names, don’t set absurd penalties, and remember public policy – and public optics – can trump even a signed deal. A contract intended to “buy silence” can itself become a bigger story than the secret, if handled poorly.

Tiger Woods & Rachel Uchitel (2009): In the wake of Tiger Woods’s infamous infidelity scandal, one of his former mistresses, Rachel Uchitel, reportedly signed an NDA so strict she later called it “abusive.” She was allegedly paid a hefty sum (some reports say $5–8 million) to keep quiet about her affair with Tiger. The agreement was said to be very extensive – indeed, The New York Times reported it was nearly 30 pages long. For years, Uchitel kept silent, but in 2021 she broke her silence and spoke about the ordeal, describing the pressure to sign that NDA as immense. She said “I will not be gagged anymore… it’s not worth the money. It was the worst feeling to have your voice tied for so long” foxnews.com. Notably, she came forward as Tiger’s ex-girlfriend, Erica Herman, was suing to invalidate her own NDA with Tiger under Florida’s new laws (Herman cited the Speak Out Act and claimed sexual harassment to get out of an NDA she had signed with Tiger) foxnews.com. The Tiger Woods saga highlights two points: (1) Money can enforce silence, but at a reputational cost. An NDA coupled with millions in consideration will very likely stay secret for a long time – but if the signer ever regrets it, they may speak out anyway and call attention to the very thing the NDA was meant to bury. And (2) NDAs signed in a potentially coercive context (like trying to salvage a public figure’s image amid scandal) can be attacked later. Uchitel’s comments suggest she felt signing under duress once the scandal had already broken (she implied pressure after the fact to “keep quiet” as damage control) foxnews.com. If true, that’s a classic duress argument. Moreover, the evolution of the law means even a decade-old NDA can collide with new legislation that wasn’t in place at signing – e.g., if Herman’s allegations of sexual misconduct were credible, the Speak Out Act could nullify her NDA despite it being voluntarily signed. Lesson: If you’re on the side asking for an NDA in a sensitive situation, avoid overly heavy-handed tactics and be aware that laws might shift under your feet if the NDA is perceived as covering up misconduct.

Other notable examples: Numerous celebrities and public figures routinely use NDAs for those around them. The singer Madonna reportedly requires attendees at her home or parties to sign NDAs. Actor Leonardo DiCaprio has been rumored to ask his casual dates to sign NDAs (though he’s never confirmed this). Reality TV star Kylie Jenner was said to have guests sign NDAs to enter her baby shower, to prevent leaks. And on the corporate side, scandals like Harvey Weinstein’s showed how NDAs were misused to suppress victim testimony – which in turn led to many of the legal changes we discussed. On a lighter note, NDAs even popped up in the context of bachelor parties – a few years back, a trend of bachelor/bachelorette party NDAs emerged so that what happens in Vegas truly stays in Vegas. (Our own firm even developed a Bachelor Party NDA Generator for such occasions, because privacy isn’t just for sex scandals, sometimes it’s for innocent fun that you don’t want on social media!)

The big-picture lesson from real cases is that sex NDAs work best as a mutual understanding to respect each other’s privacy, not as a hammer to hide bad behavior. When used to enforce basic decorum (“don’t share my personal life details”), they tend to be honored or at least respected. When wielded to hide misconduct or wield power over someone, they often eventually unravel – whether in court, the press, or the court of public opinion.

Tips to Make Your Sex NDA Enforceable (and Avoid Drama)

If you’re considering using a sex NDA, here are some practical tips distilled from law and real-world experience:

1. Be Clear and Specific. Define exactly what’s “confidential.” Vague terms lead to misunderstandings and give a breaching party wiggle room to argue “I didn’t think that detail was covered.” List categories: e.g. “private conversations, text messages, photos or videos of a personal nature, details of intimate physical interactions, and any personally identifying information learned through the relationship.” Exclude things that become public through no fault of the parties (like a TMZ article that comes out despite you). Clarity up front means stronger enforcement later.
2. Make it Mutual if Possible. A two-way promise (“we both won’t spill”) not only feels fairer, it is legally sturdier. It provides built-in consideration on both sides and avoids the appearance that one side is imposing terms on the other. Even if you’re convinced only your secrets need protecting, offering mutual confidentiality makes the other side feel better about signing – and a judge will view it as a balanced contract.
3. Offer a Carrot (Not Just a Stick). In one-sided NDA scenarios, remember consideration. If you’re the only one demanding secrecy, consider giving something in return – it could be as simple as covering the person’s travel costs to come meet you, a small monetary payment, or a gift (like event tickets, etc.). And phrase the NDA’s recitals to highlight the exchange of value (e.g. access to a private event, a business opportunity, etc.). This wards off any argument that the NDA was gratuitous or invalid for lack of consideration. It also avoids that “this looks like hiring an escort” problem if worded carefully – you’re not paying for intimacy, you’re thanking them for privacy.
4. Don’t Overreach. Tailor the NDA’s terms to what is truly necessary. Asking someone to swear they’ll never mention they even know you might be overbroad (especially if there are innocent contexts in which they know you publicly). Likewise, banning someone from speaking to anyone at all (even their therapist or lawyer) about anything that happened is unrealistic and possibly unenforceable. Build in reasonable exceptions (close confidantes, therapists, attorneys – all with duty to keep it confidential). And absolutely include the big exceptions for legal reporting and safety. By showing you’re not trying to muzzle everything, just the public gossip, you increase the odds a court will enforce the NDA against true publicity-hounds.
5. Use Reasonable Remedies. If you include a liquidated damages clause, pick a number that you can justify. Ask: “If this person blabs, what might it cost me? How much would I legitimately sue them for?” That might be legal fees, lost business opportunities, or just a rough price on your embarrassment. Maybe that’s $5,000 or $50,000 – but it’s likely not $5 million. If you are a huge celebrity, you might justify a larger number due to big reputation stakes, but it should still have some rationale (like an estimate of a tabloid payout or a campaign PR damage). Unreasonable numbers will be struck down. Also, explicitly allow injunctions – you want the ability to stop a breach in progress, not just money after the fact. And strongly consider an arbitration clause to keep any fight private. Suing someone publicly over an NDA can be like pouring gasoline on a fire – arbitration is a fire extinguisher.
6. Mind the Law. Stay up-to-date on laws in your state that might affect NDAs. If you’re in California, for example, know that any clause that could be read as preventing someone from reporting sexual harassment or assault is void. Don’t include anything that conflicts with such laws – or even better, acknowledge them in the contract. For instance: “Nothing in this Agreement restricts either party from reporting unlawful conduct to authorities.” If you’re in a state like Florida, be extra cautious not to make the NDA look like it’s trading sex for something of value. A little bit of legal research or advice upfront can save a world of trouble later. If the relationship spans jurisdictions (say, one person in New York, one in California), consider adding a choice-of-law clause to pick which state’s law governs the NDA.
7. Keep It Professional (even if the subject isn’t). This is a quirky area – you’re effectively handling an intimate personal matter with a formal legal document. It’s wise to keep the tone of the NDA respectful and businesslike. Avoid any language that’s punitive or demeaning to the other party. For example, don’t call it a “Sexual Servitude Non-Disclosure Agreement” or something outrageous – just call it a “Confidentiality Agreement.” Use neutral terms (“Party A” and “Party B” or actual names). If the tone is reasonable, the signer is more likely to comply and a judge is more likely to see it as a legitimate contract between adults, not an exploitative one.
8. Consider the Human Element. Lastly, remember that an NDA is not a substitute for trust or good judgment in a relationship. Some people might be insulted if asked to sign a sex NDA (it can imply “I don’t trust you” right off the bat). Others might sign it but later feel resentful or humiliated, which could motivate them to break it. NDAs can deter an average person from blabbing, but a truly determined outlier might violate it anyway – especially if they feel wronged or see financial gain (like a six-figure media deal) that outweighs the risk. Thus, use NDAs thoughtfully. They work best when both parties already intend to be discreet and just want the reassurance of legal protection. If you have major doubts about someone’s ability to stay quiet, an NDA alone may not save you – picking your partners carefully is the first line of defense.

With all that said, below is a sample “sex NDA” template incorporating many of the best practices discussed. This template is geared for U.S. use (state law references can be adjusted as needed) and assumes a mutual desire for privacy between two consenting adults.

Sex NDA Template (Sample)

The following is a general template for an intimate relationship non-disclosure agreement. It should be customized to fit your specific situation and reviewed by an attorney for compliance with applicable state laws.

 

 

CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT (Personal Relationship NDA)

This Confidentiality Agreement (“Agreement”) is entered into as of [Date], by and between [Party A’s Full Name] and [Party B’s Full Name] (the “Parties”).

1. Purpose. The Parties intend to engage in a personal and/or intimate relationship (the “Relationship”) during which they may share private, sensitive personal information. The Parties wish to keep such information confidential. In consideration of the mutual promises and obligations in this Agreement, and the opportunity to engage in the Relationship and share in each other’s private information, the Parties agree as follows.
2. Confidential Information. “Confidential Information” means any non-public information of a personal, intimate, or private nature that one Party discloses to the other, or that is obtained through the course of the Relationship. This includes, without limitation: the fact that the Parties have met or are involved; details of any intimate or sexual encounters between the Parties (including descriptions of activities, locations, and times); any text messages, emails, photos, videos, or audio recordings exchanged between the Parties; and any personally identifying information of a Party that is not publicly known (such as home address, private schedule, private social media or phone number, health or medical information, etc.). Confidential Information also includes any other information that a reasonable person would understand to be private in the context of an intimate or dating relationship.
3. Exclusions. The term “Confidential Information” does not include information that: (a) is or becomes publicly available through no breach of this Agreement by the receiving Party; (b) was already lawfully known to the receiving Party prior to the Relationship, as evidenced by written records; or (c) is independently developed by the receiving Party without reference to the other Party’s confidential disclosures. Additionally, Confidential Information does not include information a Party is legally permitted to disclose under Section 5 (Permitted Disclosures).
4. Non-Disclosure Obligations. Both Parties agree that during the Relationship and at all times thereafter, they will not disclose any Confidential Information to any third party. Each Party shall use the Confidential Information of the other solely for the purpose of maintaining the privacy of the Relationship and shall not exploit or publicize such information in any manner. Non-Disparagement: The Parties also agree not to publish or communicate to any third party any false or defamatory information about the other Party relating to the Relationship. However, nothing in this Agreement prohibits either Party from sharing their personal opinions or experiences in a manner that does not reveal the other Party’s identity or Confidential Information.
5. Permitted Disclosures (Legal and Support Exceptions). Notwithstanding the above, it will not be a breach of this Agreement for a Party to disclose Confidential Information in the following circumstances:

• Personal Advisors: A Party may share information (as reasonably necessary) in confidence with their attorney, financial advisor, therapist, or similar professional advisor, provided that such advisors are informed of this Agreement and agree to maintain confidentiality.
• Required by Law: A Party may disclose information if required to do so by a court order, subpoena, or as otherwise required by law. However, the Party must (unless prohibited by law) give prompt notice to the other Party and cooperate in any effort to seek a protective order or confidential treatment for the information.
• Law Enforcement and Safety: A Party may report to law enforcement or appropriate authorities any allegations of criminal conduct, including but not limited to assault or harassment. Each Party’s rights to speak with law enforcement, medical personnel, or any government agency are fully reserved and not restricted by this Agreement.
• Testimony: A Party may testify truthfully under oath in any legal or administrative proceeding if compelled to do so (for example, by a subpoena or court order).
• Mutual Agreement: Information may be disclosed if both Parties provide prior written consent to the disclosure.

The Parties acknowledge and agree that these permitted disclosures are intended to ensure that this Agreement complies with applicable law and public policy, and no part of this Agreement shall be interpreted to prohibit a Party from reporting possible unlawful behavior or exercising any legally protected rights.

6. Term of Confidentiality. This Agreement’s confidentiality obligations begin on the date of first disclosure of any Confidential Information (including any private encounter between the Parties) and shall continue indefinitely (and survive any termination of the Relationship), until such time as all Confidential Information becomes public through no act or fault of the receiving Party, or unless the Parties mutually agree in writing to terminate or modify this Agreement on a prospective basis. (In other words, even if the Parties stop seeing each other, the promise of confidentiality remains in effect unless released in writing.)
7. Remedies for Breach. Each Party acknowledges that a breach or threatened breach of this Agreement by them could cause irreparable harm to the other Party, for which monetary damages may be difficult to ascertain or an inadequate remedy. Therefore, in the event of any breach or threatened breach, the non-breaching Party shall be entitled to seek an injunction or other equitable relief from a court of competent jurisdiction to stop any unauthorized disclosure, in addition to any other rights and remedies available at law or in equity.

Furthermore, as optional and additional protection, the Parties may agree to a pre-estimated damages amount:

Liquidated Damages (Optional): If either Party breaches this Agreement by disclosing Confidential Information without authorization, the breaching Party shall pay the amount of $_____ [Insert reasonable sum, e.g., $10,000] as liquidated damages to the non-breaching Party for each such breach. The Parties agree that this sum represents a fair and reasonable estimate of the likely damages from such a breach, given the difficulty of measuring harm, and is not a penalty. This liquidated damages provision is optional and shall only apply if filled in and initialed by both Parties: [Party A ____] [Party B ____]. Regardless of whether liquidated damages are specified, the non-breaching Party may still seek actual damages and attorneys’ fees as allowed by law.

8. Dispute Resolution. Optional: Arbitration: Any dispute arising out of or relating to this Agreement, including its breach, shall be resolved by confidential binding arbitration administered by [American Arbitration Association / JAMS] under its [Expedited Procedures / applicable] rules. The arbitration hearing shall be conducted in private and the existence of the arbitration and any award shall remain confidential. Judgment on the arbitration award may be entered in any court having jurisdiction.

Governing Law: This Agreement shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the State of [State], without regard to its conflict of law principles. However, the Parties agree that this Agreement shall not be interpreted to waive or limit any rights that cannot by law be waived, and any provision in conflict with applicable law is hereby deemed modified or severed to conform to such law (see Section 10).

9. No Other Relationship or Obligation. The Parties acknowledge that this Agreement is a contractual agreement solely for the purpose of protecting confidential information. Nothing in this Agreement is an admission of any wrongdoing by either Party. This Agreement does not create any partnership, employment, or other business relationship between the Parties.

No Obligation to Continue Relationship: Either Party may end the personal Relationship at any time, for any reason, with or without notice. This Agreement does not mandate any continuing relationship or any specific activities between the Parties – it only applies to confidentiality regarding any private interactions they do have.

No Waiver of Consent: Both Parties affirm that any intimate conduct between them is and must be fully consensual. This Agreement does not waive any legal rights either Party may have if non-consensual behavior or abuse occurs. In other words, confidentiality applies to consensual private matters – it does not and cannot be used to cover up force, coercion, or unlawful acts.

10. Miscellaneous.

Entire Agreement: This Agreement constitutes the entire understanding between the Parties concerning its subject matter (privacy of their personal interactions) and supersedes any prior discussions or agreements on that subject.

Amendments: Any amendment to this Agreement must be in writing and signed by both Parties.

Severability: If any provision of this Agreement is found to be invalid or unenforceable, it shall be modified or narrowed (by the interpreting authority) only to the minimum extent necessary to make it enforceable, or if not possible, severed entirely, and the remainder of the Agreement shall remain in full effect.

No Waiver: Failure to enforce any provision of this Agreement by either Party on one occasion shall not constitute a waiver of that provision or any other provision.

Counterparts: This Agreement may be signed in counterparts (including electronically), which together will constitute one document.

11. Signatures. By signing below, each Party acknowledges that they have read and understood this Agreement, and agree to be legally bound by its terms.

Party A: ________________________ Date: _____________

Party B: ________________________ Date: _____________

 

(End of Agreement)

This template provides a robust starting point, but remember: one size doesn’t fit all. Consider the specific laws of your state (for instance, if you’re in California, you might reference Cal. Civil Code §1671 for liquidated damages or include language acknowledging Cal. SB 331 if relevant; if in Florida, you’d be extra clear that it’s not for exchange of sexual acts, etc.). Always make sure both parties fully understand the agreement. It’s often wise to say, “Hey, feel free to have a lawyer look at this,” to avoid any claim later that someone didn’t know what they were signing.

In conclusion, sex NDAs occupy a unique intersection of personal life and contract law. When used correctly, they can protect privacy and prevent “kiss-and-tell” chaos – offering peace of mind in an age of oversharing. Just approach them with care, fairness, and a dash of foresight. After all, an NDA is a tool: it can shield your secrets, but it won’t salvage a situation rife with mistrust or wrongdoing. As the Stormy Daniels case taught us, a poorly drafted or ill-conceived NDA can itself become a public spectacle. On the other hand, a well-crafted confidentiality agreement, entered into freely, can be as normal and prudent as using a condom – an extra layer of protection in intimate adventures. Keep it legal, keep it respectful, and ideally, it stays just another quiet part of the private journey.