Do we need a cohabitation agreement? Been together 12 years, own property together, never married

My partner and I have been together for 12 years. We've never married - partly philosophical reasons, partly never got around to it. We own a house together (both names on deed), have joint bank accounts, and have built a life together.

Recently a friend whose long-term relationship ended told me she had no legal rights to anything despite contributing financially for years. Now I'm worried.

Should we get some kind of cohabitation agreement? What legal protections do unmarried partners actually have? We're in California if that matters.

California actually has better protections for unmarried partners than most states, thanks to the famous Marvin v. Marvin case from 1976. That's where "palimony" comes from.

But "better" doesn't mean "good enough." Without marriage, you don't automatically get community property rights, inheritance rights, or the legal framework that married couples have.

Let me explain Marvin v. Marvin and what it means for you.

In that case, the California Supreme Court held that unmarried partners can make enforceable contracts regarding property and support, as long as the agreement isn't based solely on sexual services (which would be unenforceable as against public policy).

The court recognized several types of "Marvin claims":

• Express contracts - Written or oral agreements about sharing property/income
• Implied contracts - Based on the conduct of the parties
• Quantum meruit - Fair value of services provided
• Resulting/constructive trusts - Equity-based claims when one partner unfairly benefits

The problem? These claims require litigation. They're expensive, uncertain, and emotionally devastating. A cohabitation agreement avoids all of that by spelling everything out in advance.

So even without an agreement, I might have some rights under Marvin? That's somewhat reassuring.

But you're right that litigation sounds terrible. What should a cohabitation agreement actually cover?

A good cohabitation agreement typically covers:

1. Property ownership - What's yours, what's theirs, what's shared. How will jointly purchased property be divided if you separate?
2. Income and expenses - How do you split bills? What happens to savings accumulated during the relationship?
3. Debts - Who is responsible for existing debts? New debts?
4. What happens at separation - Division of property, who stays in the home, support payments (if any)
5. Death provisions - This is CRITICAL. Without marriage, your partner has no automatic inheritance rights.

Since you already own property together, you have a head start. But the cohabitation agreement should clarify what happens to the equity you've built together.

I want to emphasize the estate planning point because it's often overlooked.

If your partner dies without a will, you inherit NOTHING under California intestate succession laws. Everything goes to their blood relatives - parents, siblings, etc. Even if you've been together 30 years.

You also have no automatic right to:

• Make medical decisions for each other
• Visit each other in the hospital (though this has improved)
• Handle each other's financial affairs if incapacitated
• Receive death benefits like Social Security survivor benefits

At minimum, you both need: wills naming each other, durable power of attorney for finances, advance healthcare directives. A cohabitation agreement is great, but those documents are essential.

Been with my partner 20 years, never married. We did all the legal documents about 5 years in after a health scare made us realize how vulnerable we were.

Our setup:

• Cohabitation agreement covering property and what happens if we split
• Wills leaving everything to each other
• Living trusts to avoid probate
• Powers of attorney (both financial and healthcare)
• HIPAA authorizations so we can access each other's medical info
• Beneficiary designations on all accounts (retirement, life insurance, etc.)

It's more paperwork than married couples deal with, but it's the price of choosing our own path. Cost us about $3,000 with a lawyer but worth every penny for peace of mind.

This is all really helpful. We do have wills naming each other, but we haven't updated them in years and don't have powers of attorney.

Question: will having this conversation with my partner be awkward? It almost feels like we're planning for our breakup. How do other couples approach this?

I'm not a lawyer but I work with couples on communication, including around legal/financial planning.

Reframe it: you're not planning for a breakup. You're protecting each other. The documents @EstatePlannerCA mentioned are about making sure YOU can take care of THEM if something happens - medical decisions, finances, inheritance.

The cohabitation agreement is similar. It's saying "we care about each other enough to make sure neither of us is left vulnerable, whatever happens."

Married couples do this too - prenups exist. It's actually a sign of a mature relationship to have these conversations.

@RelationshipCoach_Amy makes a great point. I also tell clients: a cohabitation agreement actually protects the relationship. Financial uncertainty and legal vulnerability create stress and resentment. Clarity creates security.

One more thing to consider: if you ever do decide to get married, the cohabitation agreement can easily be converted into or superseded by a prenuptial agreement. You're not locking yourselves into anything.

Practical tip: each partner should have their own attorney review the agreement. This ensures neither can later claim they didn't understand what they signed. It's called "independent counsel" and it makes the agreement much harder to challenge.

I have to share my experience as a cautionary tale.

My partner of 15 years passed away suddenly two years ago. No will. No documents naming me. His estranged family came out of the woodwork and inherited everything, including half of "our" house (titled in his name only because he bought it before we met, though I paid half the mortgage for 12 years).

I had to hire a lawyer and file Marvin claims to get anything. Two years later, still in litigation. I've spent $40,000 in legal fees. His sister calls me a "gold digger" in court filings.

Please, please get the documents in order. You don't want to be fighting for your home and your life's work while also grieving.

@WidowedAndWiser I'm so sorry for what you're going through. That's exactly the nightmare scenario I'm worried about.

I talked to my partner last night. Showed them this thread. They completely agreed we need to get our legal house in order. We're making an appointment with a family law attorney next week to discuss a cohabitation agreement, and an estate planning attorney for wills, trusts, and powers of attorney.

Thank you all for the reality check. Twelve years of partnership and we never properly protected each other legally. Better late than never.